No More Carrie

Let it go on record that I hate "Sex And The City"...the show, the movie(s), and everything about it. Well, let me back track a little bit. Perhaps the pilot and, oh, maybe the first three episodes were good, when it was really raunchy and truthful about the realities of women, men, sex, and dating as it really was, before it got all gushy and preachy about relationships. I liked "Sex And The City" when it was a brilliant, non-judgmental, anecdotal show about successful thirty-something women who choose to have sex like men... before Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha, and Miranda got paired off or married off or knocked up. Because once they did, it felt like a mockery of what the show used to champion.

There was a time when I loved the show, so much so that on two separate occasions, I was given the full DVD box set as a gift by two different parties. I was under the illusion that the show celebrated the modern woman's free spirit and independence. But as I start to watch it now, as a thirty-something independent career woman, I can't help but feel incredibly depressed. For a show about thirty-something independent career women and their sexual prowess, there was an underlying mocking tone in its voice. It certainly made me feel completely inadequate, as if my philandering ways (yes, that's right, philandering) were just a sign of how sad I was. It seemed to taunt, "Oh, you're just doing this because you can't find a man," or "oh you vapid senseless woman, don't you know a REAL relationship has so much more to offer?"

Actually, in truth, I find many men. Or, more accurately, many men find me. And that's precisely my problem. When faced with too many choices, I finally came to the conclusion, "Why choose when you can have them all?" All my life I was told not to settle. Why should I when it comes to men? I've come to realize that my perfect man lies somewhere between all of the men that I've been with and perhaps some I've yet to be with--an amalgamation if you will. A few have come close to meeting all of my needs and desires, but so far, not enough for me to throw in the towel completely.

And, actually, I find myself at a point in my life where I'm not really in much need of what a "real" relationship can offer me. In fact, all of those things seem to slow me down rather than take me where I want to go.

In my mind, life is not about the destination, it's about the journey. I'm sure as hell going to enjoy the ride. And when I don't like where it's taking me, you can bet that I will be the first one to get off.